Finally.

Well, I am finally back to Colby. My sojourn to Israel - as short as it was - is now done. And as I sit here in my mother's library, I can't help but feel that I overreacted to the situation, that I would be better at the dig... Reflection can be dangerous.

It is hard to think these thoughts. I am angry...VERY angry. But now I run into the problem of where to direct that anger. I'm obviously not angry at the Schulers - they did the right thing in getting us out of a dangerous situation. I'm not angry at my parents - how could I be when they were so supportive of me going over to Israel in the first place. I can't be angry at God, as unfair as the situation seems to be. I could try to direct my fury at Hezbollah and the Middle East in general, but that isn't satisfying either; they are far too distant an entity.

Instead, I have to realize this anger is all part of the grieving process; after all, having to leave somewhere I loved, doing something I dreamed of and leaving behind people I had come to value is one of the hardest steps I have had to take. I struggle with the terrible disapointment.

But I should point out these negative feelings aren't completely overwhelming my re-entry to the U.S. I AM enjoying relaying to my family all the adventures in which I took part: battling a monster in a cistern, wielding ambidexterously both pickaxe and turrhea and of course, chair surfing. And I am glad for the opportunity, however short.

As I read the other blogs, I am also reminded of the fact that whatever anger or resentment I feel over the Middle East tension is a daily reality for those living there. I only had to deal with it for a short time; they live it. That in itself is a sobering and clarifying realization.

To these thoughts I cling and continually pray for peace in both the world and in myself.